15.07.08    Yevgeny Komarov :
I don't write very often on the website. Only when all my thoughts reach their summit and splash out, and there is no way that I can contain them. Very often I felt it with Natasha. Because she meant everything to me, and whatever happened to her passed through my heart, soul and brain, tearing them apart. I don't keep a journal, so afraid I am of the thoughts, blowing my mind up. I don't have a livejournal, because I keep all my innermost feelings in the world that I built for myself only.
But today I just can't contain my emotions. I was visiting Vadim Baranov in the hospital. A quiet ward, the balcony door is open, allowing pigeons to peer in and even attempt to enter. Two beds, the oxygen is rustling, running through the pipes to the lungs, hidden in the man's chest, crying, imploring to help them. I'm not going to start telling, how miserable Vadim is. I just can't tell it – Vadim doesn't let anyone see it. He has an admirable strength of mind, of body, of soul. He doesn’t complain. Vadim is a real man. Attentive, participating, very thoughtful. It's as if we talk about someone else, as if HE is trying to help someone.
During our conversation Vadim talks about his girlfriend. It happens when someone you love is always in your heart and your mind. We talk, he is laughing. Vadim walks with me to the door. He jokes that he can only walk where the oxygen equipment, to which he is tied by thin plastic трубочка permits.

Both Lilia and I were in phone and e-mail correspondence with Vadim for a long time. And none of us heard a word of complaint from him. It is obvious how hard all this must be for him, but he keeps everything inside, and that's how it always is with real men.

Sometimes, falling asleep, I imagine that I'm one of those people who we are trying to help. I try to feel, what would it be like to feel what Natasha felt. "Palpitation, straining the neck so hard, that all the veins become visible, gulping down the precious air. And all the time – trying to see through the future. To look into that dark abyss in a vain attempt to understand how many hours, days, week I have left. Will I survive the operation? Will I live? What will be next? It's all in vain. No matter how hard I try – I cannot see, I don't understand. I just want to live! I want it! I want it so much!"

I think of Tanya Borisova. "Fear, expectations, waiting for any news about the operation. Mum's kiss and tears. Looking at everything and everyone around me. Anesthesia."
I try to picture Vadim. "Nothing has been decided yet. When I will have an account, when will there be a place in the hospital, will there be money or not? My own body…".
Mother is always around. She is always worried about her child. No matter how old the child is - five, twenty four, thirty three. Even forty five. Mum is always nearby, like a bird circling around the nest, worried about her fledging. She is there to protect and to care about her child. And to cry for him.

I want to beg Vadim, Tanya and many, many others to forgive me for all these words.
Let's just all try to picture what it is like to face a terrible disease. Just imagine, and you will be scared. Some of us will be healthy all their lives, thank God. Some may not be so lucky. Right now out lives do not go the same way as the lives of those people. We are trying to hide behind the day-to-day things, behind the TV and entertainments. We are trying not to think about someone, who is at the death's door.

"Who is this stranger to me?" we think. "What can I do? How can my 100 rubles help, when this person needs millions?!"
But it's not true! It's not!
And I ask everyone to come together – it's so much easier to help when we are a team! What if you are the one who will change it all, who will not let the most horrible thing happen?

02.07.08   Unfortunately we haven’t received any reply from Vienna University. We are working out several alternatives:

1. Vienna University. All medical extracts has been sent. We are waiting for a reply.
2. Clinics in Hannover (Germany) All extracts has been sent. We received a reply that the main doctor personnel are on summer holidays.
3. France – 2 extracts sent to 2 clinics.
4. Vadim’s doctor prepared documents for sending to Essen clinic (Germany) (after agreement with professor P.K.Yablonsky)
5. We are looking for other clinics abroad.